Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending. — Maria Robinson
I just came across this video of a therapy game for children of divorce. I’m not sure what to think. I got really stressed out just by watching the video. It is certainly good to acquaint divorce lawyers with confusion and pain that some children of divorce feel. However, is this appropriate for children? Wouldn’t it make a child going through a difficult custody battle feel even worse?
In law school we learned how to “frame” the facts to make a winning argument. This basically requires viewing things from a different point of view. The framing of facts, however, is not limited to the practice of law. In fact, how you frame (or view) “success” and “failure” is an essential element in achieving happiness and success in life.
Time.com has a an great article titled Will the Market Kill Your Marriage? that discusses why economic recessions increase divorce rates. Possible theories include:
- Lack of money exposes fundamental flaws in the marriage,
- Couples who had fundamental differences about money now have irreconcilable differences about it, and
- Financial worries cause stress, stress causes depression, and depression causes divorce.
The most interesting quote of the article:
A study that correlated Playboy centerfolds with market conditions found that men like fuller-figured women more in lean times than in boom times. The APA study showed that when stressed, women liked to eat. Bingo!
On January 2, 1912, Viola Hudson — a Chicago native in Reno for a divorce — made the New York Times headlines for dancing the “bird trot” and “turkey trot” with an unrelated man.
While you can’t leave it behind, you can look at the events of your past from a new point of view. Turn them around. See all the angles. Consider it your second chance. Second chances do come your way. Like trains, they arrive and depart regularly. Recognizing the ones that matter is the trick. —Jill
PART 1 OF 2
A custody dispute can result in the most bitter of divorce battles. If you and your spouse cannot come to an agreement, a judge will decide for you. The Judge will consider “the best interests of the child.” In making her determination, the main issues judge will consider are the:
- Quality of the relationship between the child and each parent,
- Child’s adjustment at home, school and community,
- Mental health of all involved,
- Physical and emotional safety of the child, and
- The willingness of each parent to encourage a relationship between the child and the other parent.
Many of my readers are Chicago residents who are looking into divorcing without a lawyer. Often they will call asking for advice. Although there are some situtations in which I think people definitely need a divorce lawyer, I think there are some situations in which a family lawyer is not necessary.
Joint legal custody is only awarded to parents who can communicate well with each other. An amicable divorce is considered a basic element of this. A judge will be reluctant to award joint legal custody to a couple who is not able to come to an agreement on their own. Thus, you should try to resolve this issue before trial.
Generally, Illinois family law judges do not award parents joint residential (physical) custody. It is assumed that children benefit from the stability of living in only one place.
In the old days, it was much more common for parents to be awarded joint residential custody. This was often overwhelming for the child. Every week (or six months) the children would have to pack up and move to the other parent’s home. The children would miss their old friends, schools and the lifestyle to which they to which they had become accustomed.
Part of the job of a divorce lawyer is to explain the divorce process to clients. Much of my time as a lawyer is spent explaining how family law courts work, why a paper needs to be filed, and the meaning of legal words in a court document. I always thought that there should be a book that would cover these kinds of issues, a kind of “roadmap” to divorce that I could recommend to my clients. However, none of the books that I found seemed adequate. Thus, I was thrilled to recently discover Quickie Divorce by Linda H. Connell.